The need for Deep Time

For a lot of years, I thought there was something wrong with me. Like maybe I was on the spectrum of split personalities. There was the version of me who could bust through a to-do list and reach out to friends and make dinner for my family and make plans and rush here or pick up that child there. Then there was the version of me who resembled something more akin to a sloth. S L O W moving is the name of the game on these days, as well as a turn inward and desperate need for quiet. This is when I am content to stare off into space and think or daydream, when I can go days without speaking to anyone and be quite happy about that, when I think to myself – no one ever died of eating cereal every meal of the day, so my people should be fine.

The two versions of me felt so completely different that I thought – what normal person can swing to such extremes?

Then I read a book a couple of summers ago that changed my life. In it the author discusses in detail the arc of a woman’s life – and to my surprise, she described exactly what I had experienced in my two self-versions. Apparently, this need for the pendulum to swing is great and more widespread than I imagined. Who knew?!

When I stop to think about it, though, it should have been obvious all along. In virtually every discussion I have been involved in with other women about the “Mary/Martha dilemma” – most everyone around the circle says at one point or another that she identifies with both women. You remember this story from the New Testament, where Jesus comes to town and sisters Mary and Martha have very different responses. Mary, who chooses to sit at Jesus’ feet to listen and learn, represents deep time; Martha, who was working like crazy to get everything prepared so that there would be a meal for those sitting to listen, represents surface time.

In a culture that rewards and values the Martha’s of the world, it can be easy to try to convince oneself that the need to dwell in deep time is unnecessary – there’s too much to do, too many demands (not to mention the judgment of ourselves and others for not appearing to be constantly striving). But the reality is that one way of being without the other is no way to live. Of course, we must work and take care of our daily needs and nurture our precious relationships, and this is good and important. But there also is something so compelling about the call to return to the place within myself where time is eternal and the kind of nourishment that replenishes my soul and creativity and patience is abundant. Dwelling in this space, even if only for a short time, is essential to my overall health. I was struck by Pinkola-Estes’ strong words:
“Each woman knows in her heart how often and how long is needed. It is a matter of assessing the condition of the shine in one’s eyes, the vibrancy of one’s mood, the vitality of one’s senses…if a woman doesn’t go when it’s her time to go, the hairline crack in her soul/psyche becomes a ravine, and the ravine becomes a roaring abyss.”

Indeed.

The month of December can get so busy and harried that it can be difficult to enjoy the holidays when they arrive, instead becoming just one more thing to check off the list. Although our celebrations with family were absolutely lovely and joyful, there was still an element of that for me this year. By the time we landed on Christmas Eve, I announced to my family that on December 26, all mom duties would be officially closed for business and they could expect to basically be on their own. Thankfully, my boys (Mike included) are not surprised by these sorts of proclamations anymore, and with a respectful nod, they acknowledged both hearing and understanding my request.

It has taken me all week to fully emerge and be ready to come back to the surface, where lots of things await my attention and can be addressed now with more joy than dread. Can I get an amen? Oh, how I needed to visit the deep!

The window between Christmas and New Year seems to be perfectly suited for such a visit, as I have noticed more across social media this year the idea that people barely know what day it is or what end is up in the span of time just after Christmas. I submit it is our collective need for deep time! My friends, do yourself, your family, and the world a favor and take the plunge. This is not indulgent or cause for shame, but rather being a faithful steward of your energy and one precious life.
I pray that when you hear the siren call of the deep, you will be able, in every way imaginable, to make your way to where that river flows. To take long drinks and sigh big breathy sighs. And then come back to the surface refreshed and equipped to continue meeting your life just as it is.

So may it be for you. So may it be for me.

Happy New Year, dear ones.